We were in an old feed store. Granddaddy and me. Wooden floors. Sacks of Purina cattle feed. Old men, sitting around, jawing.
There was actually a brass spittoon in use.
I was a child at the time. Kindergarten maybe. I had no idea what the old men were talking about. But I remember their words. And I knew the timbre of an old man’s wisdom when I heard it.
“Never ask a barber whether you need a haircut,” one man said.
“Life is easier when you plow around the stumps.”
I loved the way they spoke. It was old world. The voice of my people. People did not talk like this on the nightly news.
But then, these were real men. Farm kids who survived the Spanish Influenza of 1918. An epidemic which—as it happened—did not begin in Spain, but in Haskell County, Kansas. A fact the old men held with high honor.
These men had survived the Flood of ‘27, Depressions, Dust Bowls, and so many world wars they had to start numbering them.
And their logic kept coming:
“A bumblebee is faster than a John Deere.”
Spit.
“Quickest way to double your money is to fold in half and put it in your pocket.”
Spit, spit.
“The only good reason to ride a bull is to get a date with a nurse.”
Clearing of nasal passages.
I don’t know why I’m remembering all this today. I suppose the memories come from my visiting a nursing home this afternoon to interview someone.
I was wandering amongst elderly people. The residents spoke of another world. Manual coffee grinders, shaving horse benches, wedding silver.
In their rooms, they had Norman Rockwell compilation books. Emily Post manuals. John Wayne collectible beer steins. Doctor Grabow pipes.
And that’s when I saw the brass spittoon, sitting in someone’s room. Instantly, I remembered the last time I’d seen an on-duty spittoon.
And in my memory, I was listening to the maxims of old timers at a feed store.
“When in doubt, let your wife do the thinking.”
“If a horse stops with a jerk, the jerk will fall off.”
“Never corner anything meaner than you are.”
“Silence is usually the best answer.”
And that world seems so far away. A few months ago, Doroni Aerospace unveiled a flying car, which earned an official FAA Airworthiness Certification. Flying cars are here.
Virtual reality now allows doctors to complete surgery robotically. They call it telesurgery. It’s now possible for a surgeon to repair your busted appendix from 4,000 miles away.
Beep Mobile is a driverless cab service operating in six states. The vehicles are operated by a computer, using light-based radar to avoid obstructions.
Where did the old world go?
Where did typewriters and pencils run off to? When did we stop making photo albums, memorizing phone numbers, or cutting things out of newspapers?
When did people quit reading “TV Guide,” giving detailed driving directions, or letting Little League teams ride in the beds of pickups? Where did my people go? And what have the kids done to our music?
I’m not saying I miss the good old days. But I dearly miss the people who made them good.
There is so much wisdom in the wit of old folks. "Never get in a pissin' match with a skunk." People used to take a few seconds to think about that and visualize the result. No more explanation was necessary. It got the point across with a little humor. And how about, "Don't
wrassle a pig. You just get all muddy - and the pig likes it!" It got to be almost another language - colorful, graphic, humorous, spontaneous. Come to think of it, I remember that people used to laugh more than they do now. I believe we were all better off for that. "Never regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many."
Oh gosh. You just had to write about this subject didn’t you? I may get wordy on this. I miss it all Sean. I could go back there in a heartbeat. Yes, I could chuck this iphone into a meat grinder and get all my reading material out of a magazine, book or newspaper. I feel that cell phones should just be for calls. They should not contain the internet or ability to text. People need to talk. Let kids be kids. Force them to physically have to talk and interact in order to accomplish something. Not just tap tap tap it out on a phone. I understand the progress the internet has made. That’s not all lost on me. The problem it created was when it was able to be held in your hands. I remember cell phones before texting and the World Wide Web on them. They were just phones. When the Internet and social media became accessible on them, the world changed and not in a good way. Internet should be accessible only via a laptop or computer. I’ve often said that social media was the ruination of everything. There’s a whole lot of ugly that can happen when someone can hide behind a screen name and say whatever they want. The extent of my social media is typing these words here. I have no FB or any of the others. I see the damage being done to our youth and I feel powerless to do anything about it. I honestly wish we could go back. Our kids deserve to experience life by living it out in the real world and not by experiencing it virtually. So for now I’ll sit here missing the good old days and waiting for Pubert’s idioms!