Thank you for using your platform for this. And thank you for having a heart for other survivors. It is so important to talk about mental health issues, but nobody wants to. If we talked about it more, maybe people like my sister would still be here. As a nurse, I feel like she didn't think she could admit to what she was feeling. I know if you're in the throes of depression and suicidal ideation, you don't understand what you will do to the people who are left behind. I hate when people say it is selfish. Because I believe most people who commit suicide believe their loved ones would be better off without them. I wish they could understand how wrong that is. Thank you for sharing.
Ohhhh! I'm SO sorry, Sy Anne! Her last two words. ..please forgive... No one should think bad of her, poor thing! Her last tortured thoughts were of others and how badly they would feel. 😫 Argh. So sad. Hugs, Sy. 😭
I’m so sorry about your loss….it is very important we talk about depression and suicide….to make more effort to help and wisely learn so we can help. Listening is the beginning….
My friend, Helen, and I were talking about an hour ago about how much we love your writing that simultaneously touches our hearts and makes us laugh--and about the profound effect your father's suicide had on you. We are grateful for your healing after this terrible and devastating hurt, and we're so very thankful that you have used your gift for writing and your loving heart to transform your wounding into blessing and healing for more people than you ever could have imagined. Well done. Thank you.
Pone, it's obvious that when yor dad pulled that trigger, he hit you right between the eyes as well. You made a lot of salient points today. I too have some experience with this with people close to me and have thought about it a lot. Some of the cases I know, while severely hurtful and shocking to the family particlarly, make a certain degree of sense when you look at it from the victim's point of view . But yet and still, it puts a whooping on the survivors and from that angle leaves it to others to "clean up their mess" figuratively if not physically. From that view it's a selfish decision. I do think it's wrong to be too judgemental about these folks until you've walked a mile in their shoes. You'll get "most of the pellets out" one day. From what you've written, your father loved you a lot and was a good role model in a lot of ways. I say that's what you need to hang on to! I knows it ain't easy!
Our person was found in a barn, where another family member KNEW that's where he'd be. He had searched all over the countryside, but Thank God, he didn't find the body.
Such a good column today, Sean, just listen to Sean, please don’t do it. What happens in the wake of a death is so painful to the family for generations to come. If you can’t stop for yourself, stop for your loved ones. It matters.
Thank you Sean for addressing this. My brother took his life in 2018. And I agree with everything you said. My daughter works in the VA hospital in Birmingham with the suicide prevention department. You are not exaggerating- thank you for bringing it to the forefront.
My late husband’s father and grandfather both shot themselves. Imagine how my husband felt; he wondered if he was destined to do the same thing.
He had a crisis in his first marriage and he checked himself into the hospital when he was in trouble.
He promised his son that he would never end his life like that. It turned out that my husband was bipolar and was able to manage his issues with the new medication for it. We figured in looking back at his father and grandfather, they probably had that too. There is so much good help now for this now.
Dear Sean, Thank you for talking about suicide. I have mental illness. With the right medication, wonderful doctor and fantastic therapist, I do OK, most days. But I do admit that I’ve thought about it too many times to even count. My maternal grandfather committed suicide and the impact it had on my Mom, her mother and siblings was horrendous. I truly believe that a person who commits suicide is in so much mental agony and pain that they just need it to STOP!! I think Jesus welcomes these souls in heaven and loves them so much. I also agree with you…..PLEASE, JUST DON’T.❤️
Thank you for sharing this, Judy. Often times, it turns out there is a chemical imbalance in the brain. And that can be treated in a variety of ways. You have put together an effective combination that works. That’s so important. I also believe only the one who is in pain can say what is too much. That was the case for my uncle whose back pain was so severe, when his medication wouldn’t work anymore, ended his life. Even recognizing those circumstances, it didn’t stop those blows to his family. It’s hard. I am glad you have found the light of hope that keeps you moving toward better health. It’s worth it, isn’t it.
You are helping others with your personal story…..thank you for sharing….it helps me because I want to be a part of the solution. God bless you Judy…..love you!
Brilliantly written, Sean. And you are so right in saying that the people left behind suffer the most. I personally know of several who have committee suicide. I know one family who lost two out of three sons to suicide. There's no way to explain what happened and why. It leaves the families and loved ones totally changed and full of guilt. Please, if a reader is even thinking about the deed, remember all those who love you. You will devastate their lives. Remember that God has your back. Please let Him handle your troubles. As Sean said: PLEASE...Just don't do it.
Thank you! I didn't realize I was getting close to Scripture, but I've heard, heard about and read the Bible enough times that some of it has stuck. :-)
One of the inevitables of life is dealing with death. Natural causes are hard enough to understand and cope with, when you add chosen death the pain left behind is indescribable. A thousand words can't lessen the pain, guilt, and What ifs.
I echo:
And if you take your life, you will take ours too. So please, PLEASE….
I'm reminded of a young man who left Seminary and God, drove to Jacksonville beach. A teenager handed him a tract. He took it, ripped it up, and let the breeze blow it away. He knew what was in the tract. He went straight back to the Seminary, graduated, got married, and was a gifted preacher. The young man at the beach probably didn't know what God had done through him. We all influence about 50 people. Always preach the gospel and if you have to use words!
“We all influence about 50 people.” That’s powerful……we should wake up everyday to that thought….with the motive to make a positive loving influence in the lives we meet.
It has been said that “Suicide is a Long Term Solution to a Short Term Problem.” But the suicidal mind does not see that their problem is ever going to end…it is not fixable. So taking their life is the only control they have, and they’re desperate to make the problem go away. The problem becomes unbearable, and drives them to desperation.
I think it’s unfair to say that suicide is a selfish act. They know that their loved ones are hurting right along with them, and they want to spare them any further pain. So “checking out of life” is doing them a favor.
As a Registered Nurse, I cared for many patients whose thought processes were in the Suicidal Ideation mode. I found that listening to them and taking them seriously was the best place to start.
Thank you for sharing this wisdom and first hand experiences. I totally agree with listening…..I just shared with my doctor that I was usually the last person to leave the school building…..and often it was because someone needed to talk and I was their listening ear ……(staff and students)
Two birds of a feather are we, Cindy. I was “Dear Abby” all through my school years. And when I did Psych rotation in nursing school, I was the last one out of clinic, while my classmates were waiting for me on the locked elevator…”bringing up the rear” so to speak.
I read your column every day. Became an author myself at 70. After 4 years I finished and published my memoir. Because of your openness on writing about this topic, on the last page of my book I included a photo of a friend with a semicolon tattoo on his neck. Below that I wrote a short paragraph on suicide and the meaning of the semicolon. Keep up the communication. @markpollish
Thank you for using your platform for this. And thank you for having a heart for other survivors. It is so important to talk about mental health issues, but nobody wants to. If we talked about it more, maybe people like my sister would still be here. As a nurse, I feel like she didn't think she could admit to what she was feeling. I know if you're in the throes of depression and suicidal ideation, you don't understand what you will do to the people who are left behind. I hate when people say it is selfish. Because I believe most people who commit suicide believe their loved ones would be better off without them. I wish they could understand how wrong that is. Thank you for sharing.
You are so right!
It’s not a deliberately selfish act. I also hate when people say it is.
One of my closest friends from college ended her life when she was in her 20s.
And she had the best mental health care her wealthy parents could buy.
She felt she was a burden to others and the world would be a better place without her.
She left a two-word letter: Please forgive.
Ohhhh! I'm SO sorry, Sy Anne! Her last two words. ..please forgive... No one should think bad of her, poor thing! Her last tortured thoughts were of others and how badly they would feel. 😫 Argh. So sad. Hugs, Sy. 😭
Thank you. I think many of us here have been touched by this tragedy.
I applaud Sean for writing about it, and giving people a chance to share.
In my friend’s case, I knew she struggled with “moods” — I really didn’t have the ability to define it.
Back then, people attributed those swings to PMS!
I’m so sorry about your loss….it is very important we talk about depression and suicide….to make more effort to help and wisely learn so we can help. Listening is the beginning….
There is a humble greatness in these words. May they reach all the places they're supposed to reach.
Well put Betho!
Pubert
My friend, Helen, and I were talking about an hour ago about how much we love your writing that simultaneously touches our hearts and makes us laugh--and about the profound effect your father's suicide had on you. We are grateful for your healing after this terrible and devastating hurt, and we're so very thankful that you have used your gift for writing and your loving heart to transform your wounding into blessing and healing for more people than you ever could have imagined. Well done. Thank you.
Perfectly stated……
Pone, it's obvious that when yor dad pulled that trigger, he hit you right between the eyes as well. You made a lot of salient points today. I too have some experience with this with people close to me and have thought about it a lot. Some of the cases I know, while severely hurtful and shocking to the family particlarly, make a certain degree of sense when you look at it from the victim's point of view . But yet and still, it puts a whooping on the survivors and from that angle leaves it to others to "clean up their mess" figuratively if not physically. From that view it's a selfish decision. I do think it's wrong to be too judgemental about these folks until you've walked a mile in their shoes. You'll get "most of the pellets out" one day. From what you've written, your father loved you a lot and was a good role model in a lot of ways. I say that's what you need to hang on to! I knows it ain't easy!
Yor Compadre,
Pubert Earle
Sometimes the person plans to take their life somewhere where their loved ones don’t have to “clean up the mess.”
People jump off bridges or overdose in a hotel room.
They just want to disappear and make everyone’s life better — in their way of thinking.
I don’t believe a suicidal person is capable of much rational thought — including the idea of their act might be misconstrued as selfish.
I don’t think they can ponder what will happen to those left behind to grieve.
Our person was found in a barn, where another family member KNEW that's where he'd be. He had searched all over the countryside, but Thank God, he didn't find the body.
Our person loved and was loved.
😢
💔❤️
It's true, Sy Anne, a person can be so far down in their depression that they are UNABLE to think rationally at that point.
...Needs intervention at that point. Many don't get that help in time. If only they could see they're not alone in these thoughts...
. And that it CAN get better!!
Listen to Pu. Sometimes he comes up with GEMS. ❤️❤️
Some days I’m not sure what you “said”, Pubert. I can be a bit slow. 🙄 Then this. Thank you.
Jan most days I ain't sure what I said either, so you're in good company. Which comment was this referring to?
Pubert
Sorry I just saw it...
Pu
No sorry necessary…☀️
You have a gift for getting right to the point. I love that :)
“Because if you kill yourself, you’re also going to kill the people who love you.” – Anonymous
But you Sean are a survivor of a tragedy. “Blessed are those who mourn,
For they will be comforted.”-Jesus
God sees you and loves you with a love that cannot be comprehended by we mere mortals.
Such a good column today, Sean, just listen to Sean, please don’t do it. What happens in the wake of a death is so painful to the family for generations to come. If you can’t stop for yourself, stop for your loved ones. It matters.
Thank you Sean for addressing this. My brother took his life in 2018. And I agree with everything you said. My daughter works in the VA hospital in Birmingham with the suicide prevention department. You are not exaggerating- thank you for bringing it to the forefront.
My late husband’s father and grandfather both shot themselves. Imagine how my husband felt; he wondered if he was destined to do the same thing.
He had a crisis in his first marriage and he checked himself into the hospital when he was in trouble.
He promised his son that he would never end his life like that. It turned out that my husband was bipolar and was able to manage his issues with the new medication for it. We figured in looking back at his father and grandfather, they probably had that too. There is so much good help now for this now.
My husband died but it was from cancer.
I'm so sorry, Tawanah. It's rough, all of it. Hang in. Yes, it can be inherited.
Oh Tawanah, such sadness with bipolar disorder ~ my brother has it & refuses to get help or go on meds…we don’t have
any relationship due to his outrageous temper & violent outbursts….truly frightening.
Glad your husband was on the meds but sorry he’s gone from cancer.
Sending you a big hug & love today 💖💕💖
Yes, Ed, we had a wonderful therapist who pointed him to a good psychiatrist who helped with medications while she did the therapy. It takes a team.
All good help. 👍❤️
All good help. Thks, Ed. ❤️
Dear Sean, Thank you for talking about suicide. I have mental illness. With the right medication, wonderful doctor and fantastic therapist, I do OK, most days. But I do admit that I’ve thought about it too many times to even count. My maternal grandfather committed suicide and the impact it had on my Mom, her mother and siblings was horrendous. I truly believe that a person who commits suicide is in so much mental agony and pain that they just need it to STOP!! I think Jesus welcomes these souls in heaven and loves them so much. I also agree with you…..PLEASE, JUST DON’T.❤️
Thank you for sharing this, Judy. Often times, it turns out there is a chemical imbalance in the brain. And that can be treated in a variety of ways. You have put together an effective combination that works. That’s so important. I also believe only the one who is in pain can say what is too much. That was the case for my uncle whose back pain was so severe, when his medication wouldn’t work anymore, ended his life. Even recognizing those circumstances, it didn’t stop those blows to his family. It’s hard. I am glad you have found the light of hope that keeps you moving toward better health. It’s worth it, isn’t it.
My mentor passed years ago. A sign above his Chaplains door read. "LET GO AND LET GOD"
God wants to help, will help, if we let Him!
Matt…great words of wisdom!
When I get frustrated w/ life, I repeat those
5 important words….Let Go and Let GOD
Blessing to you today 🙏🏻💜🙏🏻
God bless you, dear, and hold you close.
You are helping others with your personal story…..thank you for sharing….it helps me because I want to be a part of the solution. God bless you Judy…..love you!
No words, only love and appreciation.
Indeed, Carol.
Brilliantly written, Sean. And you are so right in saying that the people left behind suffer the most. I personally know of several who have committee suicide. I know one family who lost two out of three sons to suicide. There's no way to explain what happened and why. It leaves the families and loved ones totally changed and full of guilt. Please, if a reader is even thinking about the deed, remember all those who love you. You will devastate their lives. Remember that God has your back. Please let Him handle your troubles. As Sean said: PLEASE...Just don't do it.
Your post reminded me of the 23rd Psalm.....Thanks!
Thank you! I didn't realize I was getting close to Scripture, but I've heard, heard about and read the Bible enough times that some of it has stuck. :-)
One of the inevitables of life is dealing with death. Natural causes are hard enough to understand and cope with, when you add chosen death the pain left behind is indescribable. A thousand words can't lessen the pain, guilt, and What ifs.
I echo:
And if you take your life, you will take ours too. So please, PLEASE….
Don’t do it.
Leaving not only leaves a hole in the space God created for you to fill, it leaves your loved ones wondering what they did wrong.
I'm reminded of a young man who left Seminary and God, drove to Jacksonville beach. A teenager handed him a tract. He took it, ripped it up, and let the breeze blow it away. He knew what was in the tract. He went straight back to the Seminary, graduated, got married, and was a gifted preacher. The young man at the beach probably didn't know what God had done through him. We all influence about 50 people. Always preach the gospel and if you have to use words!
Talk about God intervening…
“We all influence about 50 people.” That’s powerful……we should wake up everyday to that thought….with the motive to make a positive loving influence in the lives we meet.
God loves you. I know there are some of you who will just say....oh, yeah, sure He does, He really does. I know from experience.
Me too Melanie!
It has been said that “Suicide is a Long Term Solution to a Short Term Problem.” But the suicidal mind does not see that their problem is ever going to end…it is not fixable. So taking their life is the only control they have, and they’re desperate to make the problem go away. The problem becomes unbearable, and drives them to desperation.
I think it’s unfair to say that suicide is a selfish act. They know that their loved ones are hurting right along with them, and they want to spare them any further pain. So “checking out of life” is doing them a favor.
As a Registered Nurse, I cared for many patients whose thought processes were in the Suicidal Ideation mode. I found that listening to them and taking them seriously was the best place to start.
Thank you for sharing this wisdom and first hand experiences. I totally agree with listening…..I just shared with my doctor that I was usually the last person to leave the school building…..and often it was because someone needed to talk and I was their listening ear ……(staff and students)
Two birds of a feather are we, Cindy. I was “Dear Abby” all through my school years. And when I did Psych rotation in nursing school, I was the last one out of clinic, while my classmates were waiting for me on the locked elevator…”bringing up the rear” so to speak.
🤗
I read your column every day. Became an author myself at 70. After 4 years I finished and published my memoir. Because of your openness on writing about this topic, on the last page of my book I included a photo of a friend with a semicolon tattoo on his neck. Below that I wrote a short paragraph on suicide and the meaning of the semicolon. Keep up the communication. @markpollish