Name Them After Yourself

One day, as God was sitting in all of heaven’s sovereignty and sanctity and etherealness and stuff, little Randy came to visit.

Randy was the youngest angel trainee in the squad’s junior division. He had just graduated Angel Second Grade. He had freckles and missing front teeth. He hadn’t yet earned his halo. His wings hadn’t fully dropped yet.

So there God was, sitting on a big chair, looking listless and bored because God always liked to keep hands busy, but today was a rest day.

Randy entered God’s presence. The cherub and seraph, God’s two assistants, were standing at the door, giving Randy scolding looks when they saw how disheveled he was.

To be fair, they weren’t wrong. Randy’s little blue jeans were covered in mud and holes, and his knees were all skinned up. Randy liked to play outside a lot, and it showed.

“You left the house looking like that?” said the cherub, under her breath.

“If you were my kid,” said the seraph, “I’d give you a flea dip.”

Then the two angels fist-bumped and laughed quietly.

God beckoned Randy forward.

“What can I do for you, Randy?” said the Almighty.

Randy was taken aback. “You know my name?” Randy replied.

God smiled. “Duh,” saith the Lord.

“Well,” Randy began. “I’m kinda nervous. This is the first time I’ve actually seen you in person.”

“Come closer, Randy,” said God.

Randy shuffled forward.

“You don’t look anything like I thought you would,” Randy said.

“Do I surprise you?”

“It’s just—Well, down on earth they have all sorts of pictures and paintings of you, and well… They’ve got you all wrong.”

“It’s okay,” God said with a laugh. “I’ve had a lot of time to get over it. You have a question for me. I can see it in your heart.”

“Yes, Lord. When I was on earth, my mom told me I should ask you for whatever I needed, and even if it sounded silly, you would always hear me.”

God nodded. “That’s true. Your mother is very wise.”

Randy nodded. “She was the smartest person I know… Except for you. I still miss her. I miss all my loved ones on earth. I was only a kid when I died.”

The Creator nodded. “Yes, I remember.”

“And actually, that’s why I’m here, Lord. I visit my loved ones every day. I hang out with my mom, watching over her, giving her hugs and kisses, but it’s so hard because I’m invisible. I don’t even think she knows I’m there.”

“Humans are funny, Randy.”

“And,” Randy added, “ever since I left my family, I worry about them. I mean, even though I’m so happy up here, and the food is great, sometimes I feel their pain. Sometimes my loved ones get awfully tangled up in life’s problems, and they forget how much you care about them.”

God was nodding. “Yes, that’s true,” the Lord said. “Humans always forget that.”

“And sometimes,” Randy went on, “they fuss and fight because they get so burdened down with life’s cares, and they even kill each other because they forget how they’re all brothers and sisters, and you’re everyone’s parent, not just some people’s.”

God nodded again. “Preaching to the choir, Randy.”

“And we angels try so hard to do our jobs, making miracles, and doing unexplainable things, but humans get so confused they don’t even give you credit, God. They call them ‘coincidences.’”

God gave a head shake. “Don’t even get me started on the ‘coincidence’ conversation.”

“So, I had an idea.”

“Well, by all means, please share.”

“What if you sent messengers to earth?”

God laughed. The laugh shook the heavens and the earth, caused two minor earthquakes and created six tropical depressions.

“But I already have messengers,” said God. “They’re called angels.”

“Hear me out,” said Randy, holding up a hand. “What if these were messengers that were different?”

“I’m listening,” said God.

“What if these messengers were tangible, with physical bodies? What if they taught humanity important lessons by demonstration? In real time.”

“Go on.”

“What if these messengers showed people beauty without vanity, strength without insolence, courage without ferocity, and all the virtues of Man without his Vices?”

“Interesting.”

“And what if every household could have one?” said Randy. “We could make them in different colors and stuff.”

“What should we call these creatures of unconditional love and devotion?”

“Well,” said Randy. “I’ve been giving the name a lot of thought, actually. And I think you should name them after yourself.”

“Brilliant!” saith the Lord.

“And they can have tails,” added Randy.

“Outstanding!” the Creator proclaimed.

Whereupon God scooped Randy up into great arms and embraced the child the way a parent holds their young, squeezing until Randy’s ribs creaked.

“You really like my idea?” asked Randy.

God smiled. “I really do,” she said.