The Best Christmas Movies Ever

It’s hard to choose my favorite Christmas movie. Each time I try to pick one, I’m afraid I’ll shoot my eye out.

There are, of course, obligatory holiday movies which bring to mind one’s parents and grandparents. A period in post-war national history which featured Buicks Roadmasters, Hula Hoops, and pineapple upside down cakes made almost completely of mayonnaise. This era features movies such as “Miracle on 34th Street” (1947); “A Christmas Carol” (1951); and “White Christmas” (1954).

Those are all great movies. But what about the spiritually inspired cinematic manifesto of the Great American Dysfunctional Family, “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” (1989)? A film which, over the years, has brought me more joy than nearly anything including most major religions.

Somewhere at the top of my movie list sits “A Christmas Story” (1983). Perhaps because, not unlike the movie’s protagonist, Ralphie, I too grew up among folks who believed no Christmas gift better embodied the True Meaning of Christ’s Birth than an American-made firearm.

There are also many popular holiday movies which, in my opinion, suck. Such as “Home Alone” (1990). If that kid had been in my house, my mother would’ve wore his butt out. And “Edward Scissorhands” (1990), directed by Tim Burton, the man who ruined “Dumbo” (2019). Or “Gremlins” (1984), a Christmas movie about a horde of malicious demons invading a small town and murdering the townspeople.

Do what?

No holiday movie discussion, however, is complete without mentioning the dozens of stop-motion animated TV movies by Rankin and Bass. These movies are pure childhood. “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer” (1964); “Rudolph’s Shiny New Year” (1976); “Rudolph and Frosty’s Christmas” (1979); “Rudolph Develops a Nasal Polyp”, etc.

I’m also a big fan of the multiple retellings of Dickens’ Ebenezer Scrooge. For my money, George C. Scott delivers a prize-winning performance in 1984’s “A Christmas Carol.”

Still, it is the Dickensian musical “Scrooge” (1970), starring Albert Finney, that takes the cake. The movie’s flagship song, “Thank You Very Much” is a musical ear worm which will burrow into your frontal lobe and live there until your death.

And as you lie dying, should anyone in your medical care facility mention this musical, everyone in your hospital room will start singing “Thank you very much, that’s the nicest thing that anyone’s ever done for me…” This will set off a chain reaction of singing that will cause nurses and medical staffers to gaily hum as they stab you with various surgical instruments. At the funeral your pallbearers will sing “Thank You Very Much.”

I’m skipping over a lot of great Christmas movies here, such as “Holiday Inn” (1942), “It’s a Wonderful Life” (1946), “Die Hard” (1988).

But if you forced me to choose the greatest Christmas movie of all time, I would have no choice but to choose “A Charlie Brown Christmas” (1965).

The whole 25-minute presentation is sublime. The piano score. The simplistic artwork. Lucy, offering five-cent psychiatric consults. The emaciated Christmas tree. Schroeder. And Good old Charlie Brown, delivering a commentary on the truly asinine American commercialization of Christmas.

But there is that one scene. A scene which still makes the hair on my neck stand upright. When Linus van Pelt takes centerstage and shares the meaning of Christmas on network television. A scene which, throughout the last 60 years, many television executives have tried to cut from the program, but somehow they always seem to leave it in.

Linus says:

“And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

“And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

“And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

“For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

“And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

“And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.”

Don’t shoot your eye out, Charlie Brown.